"Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise."
I came across this verse a couple of weeks ago… a new one for me. And for whatever reason, perhaps due to my limited faith, I am still surprised to see additional verses on healing in the Bible. As if I have made up all the others and their biblical prominence due to naivety and wishful thinking. As if the Lord is not the same yesterday, today, and forever.
The hope is that the Lord does remain the same; He does not waver, does not change. We have counted on this truth as we have felt called to pray for John’s earthly healing ever since he was struck by that very first seizure at 31 hours of life. Our prayers were desperate at first, cries of anguish, cries from the depths of despair with nowhere else to turn. Then our prayers gained confidence as we grew in hope founded only in our God. And yes, we have seen countless miracles. But of course, we long for more. And as the years peel off the calendar, despite feeling as if we move in slow-motion while the rest of the world is on fast forward, we doubt at times. We languish. We question. We look to other solutions. We attempt to fabricate our own path out of a frantic desire for control. We begin to take our eyes off of the Healer, replace Him, and strive to heal ourselves.
Fortunately, conviction sets in. We confess. We refocus. We continue to petition the Lord for miracles. With feeble hearts still learning, we attempt to have faith on our son’s behalf.
But seasons do change, and with that so do our prayers. After a couple of years, once we realized how smart and perceptive John is, we felt uneasy about praying these desperate prayers over John, in his presence. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think prayers should never lessen out of fear, nor should we diminish our passion. However, we did not want John to feel defective or lesser or that he was not fearfully and wonderfully made as a result of praying for his healing. We were torn.
But the Lord provided. We continued to pray for healing in John’s presence, but we prayed for all of our healing. And then the greater revelation occurred… oh, the truth we can learn from children. We were supposedly praying for our family’s healing for John’s self-esteem, but the truth we realized is that we truly all do need healing. We are all broken; none of us can escape our own sin or the effects of the fall found in this world.
So we will keep lifting our eyes to heaven, unfolding our requests, uniting our hearts in communion with the Healer.
Yes, John needs God’s miracle touch. But so do we.
“Who can look into a child and forget miracle?
… every child’s a thin place. I see God.”