Stuck in Plan B?

Do you ever feel as though your life is stalled, stuck in “Plan B”?  And you’re swimming upstream desperately trying to revert to “Plan A”?

I, too, have felt this way and continue to feel this way at times.  Raising my twins together was Plan A.  Having healthy, talented, godly, charming children was Plan A.  Bumping along with normal, acceptable bumps was Plan A.  Being thrown off course entirely, not so much!  Having to say goodbye to a son on earth just as we welcomed him into our arms certainly felt like Plan B.  Struggling alongside another son… you guessed it: Plan B.  Miscarriage when we desire to grow our family and build a team around John and give additional siblings to Daniel? Also Plan B.    

Trying to fit John for a new head support and chest support strap for his adaptive stroller.

I realize that any of us can look around and quickly find someone who either has it “better” or “worse.”  But I want you to consider the ways in which your life feels like it took a detour, leaving you glancing back over your shoulder at the coveted Plan A you had mapped out?

Fortunately, we are not alone.  The Bible is full of people who share our plight… many due to their own wayward schemes and others by no fault of their own.  Again, I can relate to both scenarios!

Take Mary and Joseph.  We all know their story so well that it is easily taken for granted how their lives were certainly thrown into Plan B.  Yes, we know the Virgin Birth is wild.  We know Joseph was not expecting his fiancé to become pregnant before marriage and certainly not from a source other than him.  But I am drawn to the nuances found later in their story, once baby Jesus enters the scene and his parents have to scurry from one place to the next to avoid the wrath of the reigning King Herod who sought to kill all baby boys age 2 and under. 

In Matthew 2, we learn Joseph trusted God as He directed them to the safety of Egypt… Just when it seemed the coast was clear and this family was going to be able to return home according to the very words of an angel, Joseph was later warned to actually withdraw to Galilee and settle in Nazareth. Plan B, right?  Not so…

Even when we receive messages from God’s very angels or feel led to an initial route, life can throw us curve balls.  But there is good news.  We serve a God who is in control.  A God who has it all planned out in His sovereignty and in ways that we may not be able to comprehend this side of heaven.  With our God, there are no Plan B’s. 

Jesus wound up in Nazareth, not because of a last minute change as it must have appeared to Joseph in his dream, but to fulfill prophecies dating back hundreds of years before Christ’s birth: that Christ would live in Nazareth and be called a Nazarene.  Wow!  Like I said, this may seem to be a small nuance, but this detail truly spoke to me, both humbling me and building up my faith in the One who only has Plan A in store for us. 

It may appear and feel otherwise, but I pray today that you and I both will trust the Lord with what appears to be our Plan Bs… trusting we are in “Nazareth,” just where we are intended to be. 

Nothing is impossible with God, not even what we deem Plan B. 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

-Romans 8:28

Through the Roof and Into His Arms

“Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm.

Nothing is too hard for you.”

-Jeremiah 32:17

John in his new, fancy, adaptive stroller that belonged to precious Reid Hargrave who has now been with Jesus for 2.5 months.  Thank you Hargrave family for your devotion to John; your love for your sons inspires us!

There is never a dull moment having John as our son, a definite perk amidst the challenges!  We tell John that he has opened our eyes, educated us, taken us to new cities and states, expanded our hearts, and pointed us to Jesus with his natural joy. 

We are continually learning (struggling if we are honest!) to trust the Lord as John’s healer, sustainer, and the one who holds John’s future while we simply steward this precious gift in our care.

In our shortsighted moments, we run from one therapy/doctor/remedy/website to the next acting as if it is up to us to “fix” John.  But in the moments when God enables us to see with His lens, we recognize John is no more broken than anyone else in this fallen world… in fact, I’d make a strong case we are much more broken than children like John!  But that is for another post… 

We all reflect the negative impact of choosing our own way rather than embracing God’s.   But we also all possess the opportunity to reflect Christ’s redemptive reality as we participate in His restorative work.    

I am drawn to the story in Luke 5:17-26 in which Jesus is speaking to a large crowd in someone’s home, and a paralytic is literally lowered through the roof by his friends.  What a bizarre sight: this man is presented to Jesus in front of the chief teachers and religious men of the day on a mat most likely suspended by ropes as chunks from the roof the four men had to dig through probably fell all around.  Where they even found these ropes and shovels, I do not know!  The friends had planned to take their disabled friend through the front door but failed due to the massive crowd.  Yet they did not give up!  

Most importantly in this story, Jesus forgave the man’s sins.  But to the shock and wonder of this man and his friends, Jesus healed him, his atrophied legs became strong, and he walked home praising God!  I imagine he ran, skipped, and jumped!  This account is clearly crucial to the Christ follower, because it is included in 3 out of the 4 Gospels.  I believe Jesus longs for us to be like these friends as we participate in His redemptive work in the world.  I pray to have this kind of courage and faith!

Soon we have the opportunity to travel with John for a 6-day therapy intensive that we are truly excited about.  And let’s just say Jesus must be real if we can continue to have this kind of hope!!  It is not of us but of Him… His reality is one of great hope.  Where the impossible is possible.  Where death is conquered.  And shackles are destroyed. 

This therapy focuses on the reflexes most of us are born with or that are expressed within the first year of life. In order to develop and grow, our reflexes must be both expressed and also integrated.  For many kids like John, these reflexes are either never expressed in the first place or are expressed but not integrated.  They are “stuck” and limit development no matter how hard a child may work.  This is John’s story for sure!  He has come so far but I truly believe much of what is holding him back are his reflexes. 

Thank you for holding us up in prayer as we lower our son through the roof of disability — past our tendency to worry about tomorrow, despite the chains of our control — and into the arms of Jesus.  He is the one who can move mountains and He holds the future in His hands.   Amen! 

“But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall.”

-Malachi 4:2

Easter Pictures!

An Easter basket from my parents to the boys complete with John's lab work results from my dad's health center!  Classic!

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CORRECTED: The Pictures We Don't Show

Sorry that some of you received the post earlier today that wasn't the correct version!  Our internet wasn't working properly!  Here we go again:

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, 

but the Lord looks on the heart.”

-1 Samuel 16:7b

Last weekend while I was out of town, Meade and my dad took John and Daniel to a local mall to have their pictures taken with the Easter Bunny.  This wasn’t just any Easter Bunny; this was the “Caring Bunny” who came to take pictures with children with special needs and their families.  The Bunny came in the morning, before the mall opened, to limit the sensory stimulation/overload for these children.  I am really touched these types of events exist.

Here is the best group shot:

However, here are just a few of the many “failed” attempts at capturing that perfect memory:

These pictures can make me cringe.  Not because of their precious subject but because of what these pictures represent… the difficulty, the pain, the waiting, the longing, that aching hope.   

The lack of head control, poor posture, tight arms, low tone in the face and trunk, the temptation to compare to other children his age…

These are the pictures we typically do not show.  Not because we aren’t honest but because so often we want you (and ourselves) to see past the pain…. To perceive the joy we have, to know John’s smile and personality, to grasp the blessing he is in our lives and to so many.  But also, we feel it is our duty to help John put his best foot forward in a world that already is set up to have so much going against him. 

And yet the reality is in both the smiley pictures and also the messy ones… hope realized and hope still waiting.

How often do we only put our best foot forward?  Presenting only one desirable side in our Christmas cards, on Facebook, in our blogs and email updates?  Striving to portray an illusion?

And yet we are reminded this week that Jesus displayed his messy pictures.  His tattered clothes.  His blood stained hands. His lowly posture hanging from a cross.  All hope seemingly lost. 

But He chose to publicly reveal Himself this way.  His outstretched hands.  A death so that we might have life.

On this week and always, we thank you Lord that you didn’t feel the need to put “your best foot” forward.

Happy Easter!   Christ is risen, risen indeed!

We are truly blessed!

"By his stripes, wounds, and mess, we are HEALED!"

Isaiah 53:5

The Pictures We Don't Show

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, 

but the Lord looks on the heart.”

-1 Samuel 16:7b

Last weekend while I was out of town, Meade and my dad took John and Daniel to a local mall to have their pictures taken with the Easter Bunny.  This wasn’t just any Easter Bunny; this was the “Caring Bunny” who came to take pictures with children with special needs and their families.  The Bunny came in the morning, before the mall opened, to limit the sensory stimulation/overload for these children.  I am really touched these types of events exist.

Here is the best group shot:

However, here are just a few of the many “failed” attempts at capturing that perfect memory:

These pictures can make me cringe.  Not because of their precious subject but because of what these pictures represent… the difficulty, the pain, the waiting, the longing, that aching hope.   

The lack of head control, poor posture, tight arms, low tone in the face and trunk, the temptation to compare to other children his age…

These are the pictures we typically do not show.  Not because we aren’t honest but because so often we want you (and ourselves) to see past the pain…. To perceive the joy we have, to know John’s smile and personality, to grasp the blessing he is in our lives and to so many.  But also, we feel it is our duty to help John put his best foot forward in a world that already is set up to have so much going against him. 

And yet the reality is in both the smiley pictures and also the messy ones… hope realized and hope still waiting.

How often do we only put our best foot forward?  Presenting only one desirable side in our Christmas cards, on Facebook, in our blogs and email updates?  Striving to portray an illusion?

And yet we are reminded this week that Jesus displayed his messy pictures.  His tattered clothes.  His blood stained hands. His lowly posture hanging from a cross.  All hope seemingly lost. 

But He chose to publicly reveal Himself this way.  His outstretched hands.  A death so that we might have life.

On this week and always, we thank you Lord that you didn’t feel the need to put “your best foot” forward.

Happy Easter!   Christ is risen, risen indeed!

We are truly blessed!

"By his stripes, wounds, and mess, we are HEALED!"

Isaiah 53:5

Prayer and Childlike Faith

My (not so) little brother and me

Last weekend was a first for me.  I married off one of my little brothers!!!  Okay, technically, my parents married off William, but I’ve always liked to think of myself as part of the “parenting team.”  As the older sister, I have been very invested in how my brothers have turned out, and William and Cole get A pluses!  Haha!

All kidding aside, it was a joyful weekend and there is nothing like seeing your brother so supremely happy!  Monica is his dream come true and she is the answer to our prayers as well.  I love her both for William and as my friend --- here’s to finally having a sister and another female around!!

After giving my toast on Friday night at the Rehearsal Dinner, I was convicted by something I shared.  I worked on my toast all week, but it wasn’t until after I had given it that the Lord revealed the lesson in it for me! 

In my toast, I reflected on my relationship with William over the years, stating how he was my brother and playmate, then became one of my best friends as I saw how gifted, kind, and godly he was in his own rite in college, then he was our first responder when Warren died, and finally I came to see him as a future husband and committed to praying for his future wife as I took John on walks as a baby.  But before all these roles, my toast opened with how William was my prayer. 

When I was 2, I decided I wanted a brother… not just any sibling, but a brother.  Upon informing my mom, she encouraged me to pray and ask God for one.  By the time I was 3 years 4 months old, William was born and, honestly, I do not remember life without my brother in it. 

So here is the lesson: why don’t we pray like we’re praying for a brother?  How simple it was… I just prayed and asked God for the desire of my heart.  Unbeknownst to me, my parents had wanted to have another child.  Yet it wasn’t until I prayed for a brother that their dreams became a reality. 

I wish I could say I’ve continued to have that kind of childlike faith throughout my life!  Furthermore, I wish I could claim that life’s ups and downs haven’t taken a toll on my prayer life.  I imagine you have your own stories of unanswered prayers… years of waiting… disappointments… apprehension when it comes to even knowing how to pray or what to request.  How to pray as Christ taught us…?

Yet He did call us to pray.  He challenged us to pray for God’s provision, for His will on earth as it is in heaven, for soft forgiving hearts, for deliverance, and for His Kingdom to come. 

I think back upon m 2 year old self, and even though I struggle with my own disappointments, I am drawn to that child.  That child who simply assumed God was good and would delight in sending me a brother.  That child who was unaware of when it would happen and oblivious to any role I could play in manipulating my desired outcome.  I was just a child before her Father, asking for provision.  Giving Him my heart. 

Let’s attempt to pray with abandon, not expecting stones but rightly expecting bread from our heavenly Father (Luke 11:11).  Let’s relearn how to pray like we’re asking for a brother.

----

Meade, John, Daniel and I all had the privilege of being in the wedding.  John and Daniel made very handsome ring bearers.  It was a very special moment for us to get to walk down the aisle as a family… together, united, and strong despite our weakness. 

“…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, 

the oil of joy instead of mourning, 

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”

-Isaiah 61:3

Medical Updates:

-John had a very encouraging ophthalmology appointment on Wednesday with a new doctor.  He was very pleased with John’s vision and the health of his optic nerve.  For the first time in the history of John’s eye exams, neither strabismus (improper eye alignment: one or both eyes turning in or out) nor nystagmus (shaking movement of the eyes) were found.  Praise the Lord for continued improvement!

-John will also have his hearing evaluated next Tuesday morning.

-The hearing and vision checks are in preparation for an upcoming assistive technology appointment on April 2 in which John will have a thorough assessment and evaluation for a communication device.  We would love your prayers for this!

-Please pray for wisdom as to what is best use of John’s time, therapy-wise.  As you can imagine, there are so many things out there and we want to make the most of John’s time and effort.