Our cries to the Lord — are what give us communion with the Lord. It’s the dire distress that drives us into the deep devotion. It’s when all fails, His love never fails — and this is why we are a people who can always give thanks.
The following is something I wrote last fall but never posted. I love how journaling enables us to look back, see how God has been working on and in us, what has changed and what has remained.
Sometimes I struggle with the feeling that I am too caught up in John’s healing, wrapped up in his struggles, and engrossed in my deep love for him… so deeply associating my purpose and happiness in my perception of how he is doing. And thus, my faith is oftentimes directly proportional to how well I think John is doing and whether or not I believe (and can see with my eyes that) he is continuing on the path toward complete healing. This is all embarrassing to admit, but at times this is the honest truth of where my heart lies and where I believe the hearts of many parents lie. I once heard it stated that at any given time, we are only as happy as our least happy child. Or perhaps you can relate with a deep desire of your heart or a lifelong goal or dream that continually seems just out of reach.
I know that much of this is quite skewed, especially when we intellectually (even if not always on a heart level) know and recognize that God is the source of our identity, He gives us purpose, He provides, He is strong in our weakness, His love is enough. As the quote above asserts, “His love never fails” even when all else does. Hammering this into our hearts, really letting these truths sink in and cover every part of our beings, is another matter.
The source of our struggles with God, faith, fear, and control stem from not having a proper, accurate grasp of just how much God loves us. It hit me tonight when talking with some friends, tying all these wild and wooly thoughts together. Yes, I am desperate for John’s full healing. My dire distress does keep me on my knees, driving me toward communion with the Lord. And it is my crazy, intense, suffocating at times, all-consuming LOVE for my children that, rather than taking my focus off God, can point me to the solution to my struggles. In this love, I am reminded how we can know, really and deeply experience in our hearts in addition to our minds, what God’s unfailing love means on a practical, blood, sweat and tears level.
This is what hit me: If I can love my children this much and I am an inherently sinful, selfish person, how much more does God, our Father, love me? I may not be able to wrap my mind around God’s unconditional love, but I know what it means to love my children fiercely.