Moving Forward: Lessons from Warren, Post 3

I have another post or two I would like to share under the heading, “Lessons from Warren.”  I find this lesson is best conveyed through a letter. Many of these thoughts came to us in the day or two following Warren’s death and were then shared at his funeral.  Since this time, we have considered it a privilege, albeit a difficult one due to the nature of our bond, to share these words with others who also find themselves burying a child.  I believe these thoughts can apply to any loss, and I am grateful my son taught us these truths.  (New pictures and updates at the end of this post.)

Warren's footprints I finally requested from the funeral home 5 year later.
As you can see, grief is a process!

“Blessed are those who mourn,

 for they will be comforted.”

-Matthew 5:4

Dear friend and fellow bereaved parent,

I know it breaks your heart to bury your precious son today.  And with the pieces shattered and scattered, you wonder how you will keep going and what life looks like without your child physically here.  Our hearts break with and for you.  You are on a journey no parent should have to endure. Death at any age is unnatural and does not feel right.  And when it’s a child, your beloved baby, it’s all the more devastating. 

I want to encourage you to grieve however you need to and realize you aren’t called to nor do you have to “move on,” even though well meaning people may expect or encourage this.  Death is not something we must move on from or make peace with, because it is due to the brokenness of this fallen, sinful world – something that God never intended.  Death shows there is a break in the system.  Our proper grief and love point to Jesus, the reality that things are not right as they are, and the prayer and belief that there is a mighty Savior at work redeeming all the broken places.  

In time, you will find you are stronger than before the tragedy ever struck, and you’ll be able to move forward – but you don’t have to move on.  You carry your beloved child and your special moments together on earth with you as you move forward into God’s purpose for the rest of your earthly life and as you eagerly await the joy of heaven and all made new.  This hope and this truth actually make this life richer… beauty from the ashes (Isaiah 61:3).  Indeed, "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Phil. 1:21).  

Please know you aren’t alone, although I know it can and will continue to feel that way. I pray you will take care of yourself, doing only what you feel up to – giving yourself a lot of grace – feeling free to fall apart on the hard days and also free to smile (without feeling guilty) on the surprisingly good days.  And know that, although the hole remains, the pain’s intensity really does lessen with time… and I find the hole serves as a sweet reminder of how much I LOVE my son (I never realized this kind of God-given, all-consuming love was possible before Warren was born!) and of the HOPE we have that death and this fallen world do not have the final say.  

You were given the privilege of creating an eternal soul, something (and someone) that can never be diminished by how devastatingly brief his life on earth was. I trust God will draw close to you and surprise you with joy while you wait to join your precious baby when all is made new.  I’ll never forget him or the difference his life has made.

With love,

Mary Elizabeth and Meade

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”

-2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Pictures and Updates:

-We were incredibly encouraged by John's appointment with a new doctor last week, the incredibly compassionate and skilled Dr. Bruce (orthopedist). New doctors and doctor's appointments in general can be anxiety provoking, so it was such a gift and relief to find this wonderful doctor...someone who wants to partner with us for the long haul and truly cares for John!  The good news is that he doesn't think John will ever require surgery despite his slight scoliosis and kyphosis. 

-For the first time ever, John began prop-sitting last week all by himself with the help of these fancy elbow-immobilizers!  We are so excited, and he is too!

-Our little newborn is doing great!  Here are pictures our very talented friend from church took of Andrew at 9 and 17 days old (the second shoot was due to Daniel's lack of cooperation during the first one, haha):

From the Smallest Seed: Lessons from Warren, Post 2

“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom. O Lord, come back to us!
How long will you delay? Take pity on your servants! Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,
so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good.”

-Psalm 90:12 

Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers on February 8^th.  We had a very special family day, complete with a lunch out to the Waffle House and a late afternoon walk at the river.  Two outings with 3 little boys and no meltdowns, a blessed day indeed! 

So, why do we talk about our son, Warren, five years later?  Out of guilt, as though we would be failing him if we didn’t bring up his name?  Certainly not.  In order to make you feel sad or uncomfortable?  No, no, no!  In stark contrast, we talk about our dear son out of love, out of our desire to share him with you and to tell his sweet story.  A mother can never forget her baby. But more than that, Warren’s story actually brings us life.  And is this not the Gospel, but life springing from death? 

Through John, and now through Daniel and Andrew as well, we keep a foot firmly planted on this earth. However, it is through Warren that we have a foot resting in heaven… or more accurately springing toward heaven, as each day brings us closer to that reality. When part of your heart and mind, your very DNA, are in heaven, the hope of heaven becomes very real. It becomes necessary.  More than ever, it matters that our true citizenship is in heaven (Phil. 3:20). 

As a dear and much wiser friend once shared with us a year or two after our son passed, this life simply does not make sense apart from the eternal reality. Warren’s life, his true life in heaven, speaks to that more than anything else in our lives.  He reminds me of the heaven-focus we all need to possess and carry with us as we go about our daily tasks.  With eyes fixed on our true, ultimate home in heaven with the Lord, we are freed up to embrace this life on earth.  We no longer expect it to be everything we long for and desire…. for we know that will come when we get to heaven.  But while we are here, our job is to seek Jesus and walk in the good works He prepared in advance for us to do (Eph. 2:10).  In this, we are given the gift of participating in His redemptive works that point toward heaven when all will fully and finally be made new.  As Paul expertly explains, “To live is Christ, but to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21).

At times on this earth, we must bury what we most hold dear. We had to bury our firstborn son, and John had to bury his twin brother. Many of you have had to bury loved ones.  Others have had to bury dreams, careers, or the way you expected your lives to turn out.  I don’t claim to know why this is, and I certainly do not diminish the pain involved.  However, I do know where we must place our hope in light of these losses, the only thing that carries us through… that with Jesus, death does not have the final say.  In fact, with Jesus, life always comes from death. For the joy set before Him, Christ endured the cross (Heb. 12:2).  He had joy in store, eternal life with the Father, despite the certain death He faced.  Moreover, He had eternal, true life to give each one of us in the wake of His tragic death.  Through His death, we are promised life beyond this broken world… life beyond the crushing blows we face.

In Warren’s brief life, then, we see a microcosm of the Gospel. Since his death, I have been captivated by Jesus’ words in John 12:24: “Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”  In one of his letters to the church in Corinth, Paul adds, “What you sow does not come to life unless it dies” (1 Corinthians 15: 36). From the smallest seeds, seemingly lifeless and forgotten in the ground, new life begins again.  Warren is our sacred planting; we share him with you in hopes you see his life as a display of the Lord’s favor (Isaiah 61:3).  Our hearts still break, yet we sing Warren's song, praying his tune breathes promise into your dead and hopeless places as it has ours.  Sometimes we are given the seemingly impossible task of burying our dreams, sowing with countless tears the seeds we most hold dear.  But with the hope of Christ, they can burst forth and grow, yielding the greater dream of an eternal perspective.  A dream that always comes true.

“For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive…

The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable...

‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’ ‘Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’"

-1 Corinthians 15: 22, 42, 54-55

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"For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations."

-Isaiah 61:11