"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Over the years, I have received many difficult questions and comments regarding John that catch me off guard. I have also been surprised by the answers I have given and the thoughts that invade.
“How many children do you have?” “Is he your first?” “Oh, he must be sleepy…” “How old is he?” “Oh really? 3 years old?”
We have heard a new question recently… one we certainly were not expecting: “Are they twins?”
Yes, that is the question we are hearing these days when we are out with John and Daniel. I heard it twice just this morning at the post office. So many mixed emotions emerge. For the first time in public, John is acknowledged as a twin. The twin that he is. And that feels right and validating. However, John’s twin is not present. Warren is in heaven, yet we cannot go into the whole story with these unsuspecting bystanders. And clearly, to us at least, Daniel is much younger and couldn’t possibly be John’s twin.
Nevertheless, the question stings. The tears well. And I walk out of the post office angry, deflated…the deeper feeling is sadness and popping up, before I can even filter it, is disappointment about the reality of our life not matching what we had anticipated.
I have been truly wrestling with this question ever since we started hearing it the last few weeks. Therefore, after our trip to the post office, the boys and I went on a walk and I laid my struggle before the Lord. I silently asked Him to show me what I was to take away from this question, “Are they twins?”, and the deep emotions it has summoned. The Lord tenderly spoke to me and gave me two insights I’d love to share with you.
First, He gave me a thought pertaining to my beloved twins, John and Warren, by giving me a new response. Instead of simply stating, “No, they (John and Daniel) aren’t twins,” and hanging my head, I can say, “No, but John actually does have a twin.” I can speak the truth without the baggage, acknowledge all three of my sons, and part ways with a smile.
Then as I walked on pushing the stroller, my mind wandered to my potential response to the questions that may follow, “Oh, well where is his twin? At home?” Immediately came my heart’s response: YES, Warren is Home. A smile invaded, emotions that didn’t require filtering. I definitely couldn’t have come up with that on my own. Thank you, Lord.
Second, God showed me how this question ("Are they twins?") that has been hurtful actually points to how abundantly blessed I am… That I even get the great honor to be out and about with two precious little boys, even if they are mistaken for twins! Undoubtedly, John and Daniel represent so much that God is doing: John does get to be and have a brother here on earth. There are two smiling children staring back at me whom I absolutely adore. God is filling my quiver and bringing contentment where there once was only a sense of loss and urgency to catch up in the baby bearing process and fill our minivan.
What started with a new question is ending with a new perspective… or hopefully a continuing outlook. I simply asked God to breathe some fresh life into this struggle (I am a stubborn lady; it took me awhile to get to this point!). And it didn’t hurt that I had accidently left my cell phone (and its distractions!) at home. I'll have to do that again!
Ask God to show you what He wants you to see in your own difficult situation. I know life can be hard and challenging at times; I am not suggesting using your willpower to “turn lemons into lemonade.” Simply ask God for a glimpse into His mindset, and I think you’ll be surprised by what He kindly whispers back…
Thank you, Lord, for your perspective. Thank you for making all things new.
*Warren is HOME.
*I am one blessed mama with two boys in tow.
|Daniel and John with their Uncle William|
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.